Articles Posted in Real Life Story

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During the latter stages of Alzheimer’s disease, it is common for individuals who are bilingual to revert to speaking and understanding only their original, native language. An event such as this can present challenges as described in the following Real Life Story.

Real Life Story

My clients are the daughters of a seventy-two year old woman with the latter stages of Alzheimer’s disease. The daughters live in Chicago, another U.S. city, and a city overseas. Their mother is a native Spaniard who is totally ambulatory and incontinent.

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I had to chuckle because a national advice columnist was asked the following question about a senior who was in apparent need of assisted living services: “My mother-in-law was diagnosed with dementia over a year ago. She can no longer do anything for herself. She can no longer climb the stairs, get to her bed, shower or do laundry. She does nothing all day but watch TV and eat sweets. What can be done for an elderly person who obviously can’t take care of herself but “fakes” it so her kids won’t put her in a home?” The columnist’s answer was basically, “You have my sympathy. Convene a family meeting, and call the Alzheimer’s Association.” Frankly, I found the response to be an oversimplification and glib. While the associations for specific diseases will provide you with excellent sources to begin your research, they will not help you analyze and identify the appropriate option for your loved one. You will still have to complete all the legwork that comes with identifying the appropriate option for your loved one.

Since I’ve already completed the research, why not let me streamline this time-consuming and emotionally draining task for you?

My father had Alzheimer’s disease and was a master at “faking otherwise” when his baby daughter was there to visit, in order to keep her from worrying about him. He was so good at acting that at times I was in denial that anything was wrong with him. However, sometimes the person who has Alzheimer’s becomes so good at “faking it” that the results are detrimental. .

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As you can imagine, I’m often asked how to convince a loved one who has dementia to move out of a home when she or he has refused. The issue is further complicated when someone is ambulatory, somewhat functional, but safety is a concern. If your loved one refuses to move, it is unlikely that you’ll be able to talk him or her into moving anywhere. It isn’t worth bringing up the subject. The person may become upset and dig his/her heels in deeper. The disease prevents the individual from rationally understanding the situation. While each case is different, here are some basic ideas I have seen work for my clients.

  1. Once a community has been selected on behalf of your loved one’s best interests, have his/her physician write orders saying that the person should be admitted for general care and management of a medical condition. The move should be presented as a temporary situation that has nothing to do with your loved one’s mental capacity. Remind your loved one that life for all of us is best lived One Day at a Time, and that nothing is ever written in stone. The move is a step, taken with his/her safety in mind. It is not an “end.” Hopefully once the person is settled, s/he will adjust well and forget prior objections.
  2. Convince the person that the home or apartment is unfit for habitation due to physical problems and have them “temporarily” relocate to the chosen community.
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When I opened my doors in 2006, I began touring and evaluating communities under wrap; meaning, I didn’t volunteer to the admissions director at a community that I was a consultant. I did this because I wanted to see how an outsider would be treated during an unexpected “walk-in”, if the community was a mess from a housekeeping standpoint, and how long I would have to wait for someone to take care of me. All my findings have been duly noted, documented, and shared with my clients.

The practice of “walk-in” tours is a great strategy when you’re conducting your senior living search. In my opinion, your first tour should always be a confirmed appointment with the admissions director. The second tour (you’ll always want to take a second one to confirm your first impressions) should be unannounced. That way, you’ll receive an initial tour from the person who has expertise in the care, features, and amenities that a community has to offer. Many times, the admissions director will have marketing responsibilities that will cause him/her to be out of the building. If you choose to tour at a time when the admissions director isn’t available, you will be handed off to the activity, maintenance, or dietary director. At times, the “manager of the day” is responsible for conducting the tours on the weekends, another time when the admissions director may not be available. Unless that person has been thoroughly trained on how to conduct a good tour, you’ll be on the receiving end of a presentation that’s unsatisfactory. In the end, you may pass on a community that is totally acceptable as exemplified in the following “real life story.”

real-life-story200Real-Life Story

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I often have seniors and their families hire me to find the right community because the senior is lonely and wants to socialize with people his/her own age. The feeling of being isolated and depressed while eating alone is often a major cause for concern. While I empathize with such concerns, I always encourage the senior to sample the food and the “communal dining experience” before signing on the dotted line at a new home. The senior could be eating one to three meals a day at the community depending on the level of care and type of dining program offered. If a senior could be spending up to 30% of his or her time eating, the food better be good. Couple that with table mates who have personality clashes and you could be headed into a situation that spoils the whole retirement experience.

Most of the time, admissions directors are more than happy to have a prospective resident and his or her family members sample the food. However, I recommend that the sampling be conducted during an ordinary meal, rather than during a special event. The food at an event won’t be reflective of a meal that is typically served. I also recommend that the senior be seated with some of the residents during the sample meal. That way, s/he will always get truthful opinions of what the food is really like on a daily basis. It also allows the senior to sample the social setting and resident personalities. Some communities have unassigned seating. Others will purposely mix the residents to prevent cliques from forming at meal time.

Please be advised that independent living and assisted communities may not have a dietician on staff. Many of them note “heart healthy” and sugar free foods on their menus. Then, it’s up to the senior to behave. If your loved one needs a special diet like pureed or mechanical, ask if that can be accommodated. I have even arranged for my nursing home clients who are lucid and contemplating a change in nursing homes to travel to the proposed new home via Medicar to take a tour and sample the food.

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“When choosing a long-term care community for your loved one, make sure his/her care-level needs and financial realities are appropriately assessed.”

Greetings!

As part of my services, I always meet and get to know the person I’m about to place. My past experience as an admissions director of a continuing care community (one offering Independent living, assisted living, and a nursing home on a single campus) taught me how to assess an individual’s mobility and cognitive impairment (if any). An assessment also affords me the opportunity to meet family members, see the person’s current living conditions, and find out the person’s financial realities. All of these factors play an important part in the options I present to my clients. As families who “go it alone” and clients of other service providers have sometimes discovered too late, a mistake in assessing any one of these factors can result in misplacement of a client. This, in turn, can lead to a rapid decline in a senior’s well-being, more serious adversities, and even yet another move – a heartache and inconvenience that no resident or family should ever have to endure. This month’s real life story emphasizes that fact.

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Three weeks ago, my mother had what appeared to be a stroke, followed by a TIA, and a urinary tract infection. She was taken by ambulance to the nearest hospital, which in the case of an emergency is required by law. Her primary care physician was not on the staff at that hospital. Due to her frail condition and lack of a private room (my mom’s request) at her regular hospital, we did not move her. After she had been staying in the hospital for two weeks, I arranged for her transfer to a skilled nursing community for rehabilitation. I must admit, I felt uneasy and alone because her primary care physician was not in command of her health care.

When you move your loved one to a skilled nursing community for rehabilitation or a long-term stay, be prepared for the possibility that his or her primary care physician will not, or will not be able to, follow them. Your loved one will be giving up a long-term emotional and psychological relationship with his or her physician. Most of my clients don’t seem to be concerned with keeping their loved one’s physician. You should be concerned!

Luckily, my mother was in a community where the Medical Director was on site every day. When she did not see my mother, the doctor had a nurse practitioner who would follow up with her patients. Some of the physicians in other communities do not visit the patients more than once a week. Many of the physicians on nursing home staffs visit less than once a week. The new doctor’s routine, bedside manner, and educational background may not be in accordance with what your loved one is used to, resulting in patient dissatisfaction.

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When I deliver the assisted living segment of my group presentations, the audience is often unaware that Medicaid offers a program that pays for assisted living. It is called the Supportive Living Program. Assisted living is the next highest level of care above independent living where the senior needs some help with his or her activities of daily living: bathing, dressing, walking, eating, transferring, and toileting. It is stand-by assistance not hands-on assistance. If a senior is paying privately for assisted living, the costs can range from approximately $3,800 to $6,000 a month. The Supportive Living Program is a wonderful alternative for low-income seniors who cannot pay privately for the assisted living level of care and are not yet ready for nursing home placement.

Here are the requirements for admission to supportive living:

  1. The senior must be at least 65 years old.
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During my years of work as a retirement community executive, I had many opportunities to observe the residents file to their Bingo, Baggo, and Bunco games on a weekly basis. I would often hear them complain about the routine, boredom, and a lack of variety with the activities. I thought to myself, “What a terrible waste! These men and women have worked all of their lives to enjoy retirement. Why shouldn’t it be accompanied by a sense of fulfillment and maybe some adventure?”

Have you really taken a step back and thought about what you’d like to do during your retirement? While it’s OK to sit back and enjoy that Bingo game, you may want to consider something more challenging from a physical (if you can) and mental standpoint. It might be time to do a bit of soul searching and re-visit a hobby that you were passionate about, or find a new one.

I “retired” from my hobby of tap dancing for 20 years. Eleven years ago, I returned to it because I was forced to participate in a mandatory employee talent show at the retirement home. I can’t pull rabbits out of a hat or tell jokes, so I returned to the only thing I knew well. After resuming my lessons, my teacher encouraged me to enter my first competition at age 43. I won a gold medal! At age 49, I won my first platinum medal while competing against 25 women who were less than half my age. I was named by the judges as the overall winner out of 300 contestants. Competing was tiring from a physical and mental standpoint. Yet, I felt a sense of satisfaction from the challenge. During the same year, I was cast in a small part in The Nutcracker. I’m 51 years old and teach tap and ballet to children on a part-time basis. I watch my students compete with the same sense of pride (and an occasional tear) as when I was competing. I was able to realize a dream that subconsciously I didn’t know I had. I now teach tap and ballet to Alzheimer’s residents.

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“Delaying a loved one’s move to a long term care community might not be a good decision in the long run.”

The decision to move a senior to an assisted living community or nursing home can be an unpleasant experience. Because our parents took care of us, it is a decision laden with guilt. Children often enter a state of denial with thinking the parent is “doing just fine.” Reality may be the opposite situation. Deferring the decision seems to be a good short-term decision; but, in actuality, it may be placing the loved one’s health and finances in jeopardy. It never hurts to do some thinking or pre-planning about what may happen down the road.

While I’m not an advocate of moving a senior before they are ready, let me share some experiences that I’ve encountered with my clients:

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